Slumdog Millionaire, Orphans First -- & Me!

Well, well, well . . . I’m barely back from a deeply soul-searching retreat in the Colorado mountains—where my life in France, Italy, England, Africa, India was a relevant discussion point—and I see flashbacks of my days in India in the award-winning film, Slumdog Millionaire. (Btw, this picture is not from the movie, but is an actual street child I’ve worked with in India.)

No, I was never on Millionaire (not that smart!). And I wasn’t born in a slum (although parts of my native London are close). But I have visited India several times. (In fact, Orphans First has an orphanage there with some ninety children.) And I have been to Mumbai (formerly known as Bombay). It was in Mumbai, more than a decade ago, that God allowed me to help start a children’s home. More on that later. For now, let’s focus on the film.

Slumdog Millionaire is about orphans, corruption, exploitation of the poor and defenseless, and cruelty to the innocent. It is a story of extreme suffering, love and beauty. The real India—and India’s beautiful victims enslaved to the harsh hand of poverty.

Slumdog Millionaire reminds me a little of Pursuit of Happyness, Blood Diamond, or City of Joy inasmuch as its suspense-driven plot is more nerve-wracking than entertaining. I spent most of the movie riveted to my chair, gripping my husband’s arm and feeling sick. (Not what you’d usually opt for after a retreat—but no doubt what I needed to remind me why I’m here.)

Still, in spite of the reality shock about what life in India is really like, the story line is brilliant, with unexpected twists, and exquisite artistry. But beyond art and plot--even Oscars--lies a far greater kinship between Slumdog and me. For me, it stung me to the core because I know children in India—children like Jamal, Salim, Latika, Arvind. I’ve hugged children who lived in Mumbai’s slums or at the train station. The pain they’ve borne has given them an unusual perspective.

Mani lived in the streets. He used to tell me, “Mummy, it’s not that I lost the toy you gave me, it’s that they stole it from in the streets.” Ganesh had only one leg because he got hit by a train: We bought him a prosthesis, but somehow it never seemed to feel comfortable for him. And Vijay--beloved Vijay who fought back tears the day I left, his face so worn with worry and stress that he looked like an old man. Vijay hugged me so hard, I felt as if he was trying to keep me with him forever. How I wish I could have kept him. I will never forget those children (now young adults).

I met many of these children In 1996, during a visit to my orphanage in Guntur, India. We went with a team of friends from France, and spent some time with the street children of Mumbai. It was there and then that the seed for a children’s home was planted. Orphans First began funding the upkeep of 20 street children, providing food, school (thanks to two saintly women), and church life. This initiative was catalyst to the founding of a home which then became an independent entity – no longer needing Orphans First funding. It was a miracle. However, because life in India is so precarious, most of the original children we’d worked with ended up back in the streets—something which has kept my heart broken ever since. Still, a home was established and we’ve been able to do more in India since.

With regards to India, Orphans First has its largest children’s home in Guntur and helps poor children in Delhi—and, of course, in many other countries. Check out the Orphans First updates.

India, land of dreams and demons,
Of poverty, despair and misplaced hope,
Yet land of beauty,
Simplicity of survival,
Humbled humility,
Land of squalor, shame, scum and slums,
Disguised diamonds,
Born in muck,
Cut and carved by pain’s sharp tool,
Fashioned by destiny’s cruelty,
Slumdog millionaires!
Oh, not because of money—
but because of heart.
Because of the heart of the One who died for them.
His name is Jesus.

Janey L. DeMeo M.A. © Copyright March 2009
www.orphansfirst.org / www.JaneyDeMeo.com

The Beauty of Zits

Used to hate having zits when I was a kid. But today, when the unexpected happened—a festering ziteroo planted on my not-very-teenage face—I got to thinking. (It sometimes takes something drastic like that for the thinking genes to kick in.) Some little bothersome things can actually turn into blessings—way later on, of course.

I mean, think of school. All that homework, peer pressure and misery. But now I have a Masters degree, and can spell (which is more than I can say for kids leaving school nowadays). It was worth it.

Or, take kids. They’re adorable little blessings. And then they grow up to be . . . Ok, maybe we won’t take kids. Poor example here!

But let’s take flowers. You put in lots of effort to plant them, and then voilà—they bloom. Moral of story? Dah! That it’s worth planting flowers of course.

Now, let’s go back to zits (oh, puleeeeeeeeeeez, do we have to?!). Thing is, although I struggled as a teen, trying to cover those wee facial monsters, today I’m thankful for those over-active oil glands. Y’see, most people can’t guess my age. They perceive me to be younger than I am (well, for 102, I really don’t look so bad do I?) That very oil that clogged up the pores now keeps the skin moist and youthful (relatively speaking, that is!)

So, should I be mad I had zits as a self-conscious teen? Or glad I’m now ancient and look less ancient?

I don’t know. But this one thing I do know: “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18, NKJV).

Let’s look beyond today’s zits and into the beauty of eternity awaiting us. (The way it’ll pan out really does depend on how we live our lives today. Saved by grace, but given a chance to be conformed to Jesus by doing the works He’s set before us—Eph.2:10).

Janey L. DeMeo M.A. © February 2009
www.JaneyDeMeo.com
www.orphansfirst.org

Grammies -- music & the arts

Dunno if you watched the Grammies this week, but I got a glimpse. Delightful—for the most part. (Sadly, there were some agenda-loaded comments applauding ungodly practices, but that’s life today.)

Did you ever consider how diverse music styles can be, yet there’s a common thread in its structure? It’s almost as if God allows us to have “almost” possibilities in creating melodies, tunes, sounds—but they are capped by our human limitations. It sure makes you wonder what the music will be like in Heaven.

Another thing about music, like dance and other art forms (I’m a huge fan of all the arts), is that the arts provide a beautiful vehicle for people to express themselves, and sometimes find healing. The arts especially provide a valuable tool we often use to minister to children.

As someone who grew up in an artistic family, and as a vocalist and fan of many types of music, I was especially intrigued by some of the music combinations. Whoever would have thought Robert Plant from Led Zeppelin fame would sing with bluegrass virtuoso, Alison Kraus? Fascinating sound. Not sure where Plant plucks all those lyrics from, but I get a hunch, he’s seeking.

ColdPlay, good ol’ Brits like me, have a great sound. Now if I could just get those words . . . something about a “missionary”?

Of course, some songs typically depicted today’s liberal society, which is beginning to make Sodom & Gomorrah look like Disneyland. (Ok, some of you might find this metaphor a bit of an oxymoron, so think Disneyland as it was originally meant to be.)

Music is a language, a form of communication, a God-given gift. If only this gift could be used entirely to glorify the One who gave it. Now that would really change lives.

Janey L. DeMeo
February 2009 © Copyright
www.orphansfirst.org / www.JaneyDeMeo.com

Octuplets & Ethics –when is enough enough?

A woman not far from where I live recently gave birth to octuplets—8 babies. Of course, this wasn’t a natural incident (it never is) but, rather, it was the result of fertilization treatment—artificial insemination. No one loves babies more than me, but I find this situation extremely troubling for many reasons—not the least of which is that the woman already has 6 babies (the oldest being only 7-years-old).

Not only does the woman now have 14 babies (6 + 8 = 14), but she isn’t married. And she lives with her parents—who just happen to have claimed bankruptcy, and who are exhausted. The parent's home has only three bedrooms. All the children this woman has ever conceived were through fertilization treatment. Isn't that pushing natural limits and playing God? Tragic--especially since there are so many children needing homes!

The woman’s mother said that her daughter just loves children. So? Many people love children (me, for one). So, why not work at a Daycare? Or foster needy kids? Why jeopardize the lives of the six precious children she already had before tampering with nature to satisfy some kind of need? Babies should not be brought into this world to satisfy our need. (More on this in my parenting book, Heaven Help Me Raise These Children!).

What troubles me is why didn’t anyone ever look into the woman’s background? Did the doctors involved in her insemination know she already had 6 children and no husband? Shame on them if they didn’t know. And greater shame if they knew and still proceeded.

In most cases of artificial fertilization or insemination, 3 or 4 eggs maximum are implanted. Rarely do all of them “take.” Still, they might, so that’s why the count is limited. In this case, 8 were planted. And 8 took. The age limit to receive such treatment is 35. This woman is 33. Seems like borders were pushed to the limit and the old philosophy “ignorance is bliss” reigned over reason.

Ignorance ain’t bliss folks. No way. Knowledge—combined with a sense of ethics—might have saved a lot of hardship. (I pray these children won’t face hardship, but realistically . . .).

Read an article on this subject here. (I added this article link in on Feb.12th -- since it adds more details than when I first wrote this post.)

I wonder what will happen to those precious 14 babies now? I wonder who’ll feed them, bathe them, hug them, help them with their homework, challenge them to make wise choices in life . . . I wonder if they’ll be kept together or if some will end up in foster homes. Precious, innocent lives.

Let’s pray for this woman and her babies—and the grandparents who have now landed so much more than they expected—that God’s will be done for all. Let’s pray also that the medical field wakes up to ethics and reason and stops playing “god” because of their greed for money.

Janey L. DeMeo M.A.
Copyright © February 2009

Why are we making politics about race?

I’m stunned that we’ve made politics a racial issue. No one could be happier than me that that equal opportunities are being given to all Americans—regardless of their color. No one could be more disgusted than me that race was ever a reason to boycott someone or hinder them from entering into the same opportunities as their peers. Racism is despicable. Thus, in that respect, I can understand that many would celebrate the inauguration of a black president (although, in reality, he’s as much white as black; he’s multi racial).

But to celebrate primarily because of the president’s color—and to ignore his political stand—is like being an ostrich suffering of HITSS: Head In The Sand Syndrome. It’s insane.

I’m not a politician—although I have several personal friends who are—but I do know that politics should be revolve around policies and our concern should be whether they align themselves with our belief system. Policies are the issue. Not race.

The question we need to ask ourselves is: Are the new policies being brought in by the new president compatible with our belief system? You have to define what you believe. Do you believe in absolutes? In the Bible? Is it OK to take our hard earned tax money and spend it on abortions (which, in my book, amounts to killing babies not unlike the practices of cult worshipers in the Old Testament)? You decide. (I already have.)

The problem, though, is that too many have been mesmerized by media mania and Hollywoodish euphoria. Consequently, too many don’t even know what the new policies are; they don’t grasp the implications of what the new regime is propagating. Well, since I’m not a politician, I’m not going to try to enlighten you. But there’s someone I greatly admire who could tell you clearly what is going on, and that’s Ann Coulter.

Ann Coulter was interviewed on the Dr.Phil show this week together with some other key thinkers. Her take on the new B. Husein Obama is enlighteningly brilliant. Check it out.

I highly recommend reading Ann Coulter’s blog. She’s feisty, funny, free thinking and doesn’t mince her words -- a voice in the wilderness, a genius with a biblical world view. Check out for yourself.

Praying for the president – and for America.

Janey L. DeMeo M.A.
Copyright © January 2009

Wild Things -- that's what boys are

As a mom with both a daughter and a son, I can tell you first-hand boys can be reeeeaaaally wild. Add to that my work with fatherless & abused children (as founder of Orphans First -- orphansfirst.org), and I can tell you doubly that boys have very special needs. I'm happy to say that Wild Things by Stephen James and David Thomas provides answers to many of our questions about those "wild things" we call boys.

Looking for answers on how to raise boys?
Ever wonder…
• Why can’t he sit still?
• Is he hearing a word I say?
• Why is he angry all the time?
Boys are born to be wild. Their strong spirit, endless imagination, and hunger for adventure are only matched by their deep desire to be affirmed, esteemed, and loved. In their new book Wild Things, therapists Stephen James and David Thomas help parents and educators understand what exactly makes boys tick.

Read questions (Q) to the authors and their enlightening answers (A) below:

Q. You address five key stages that a boy goes through on his journey to becoming a man. What stage is the most difficult for most boys to navigate?

A. Each of the stages holds unique challenges. We worked hard to break down each stage in a way that is easy to digest. We think that that parents and educators will walk away with a clearer understanding of a boy’s unique design in each stage and some practical ideas in how to care for him within that stage of his development.

In many ways Wild Things is the kind of thing that you don’t just read once. It is more like an entertaining reference guide that parents and teachers can go back to time and time again for encouragement, insight, and direction.

But if we had to identify one stage as the most challenging, though, we’d have to say the Wanderer stage (13-17). This window of a young man’s development is plagued by physical and emotional change. A colleague of mine, who is pediatrician, said boys in this stage are 98% hormone, which translates to their being so emotional. A part of their developmental agenda is moving toward independence and pulling away. He’s often times the most distant and hard to read in this stage, which greatly complicates the process of letting him go and trusting him with more independence. And it is during this stage that is has the ability to make decisions that will effect the rest of his life. The risks are real and boys in this stage lack the ability to choose wisely with their future in sight.

Q. Both of you are fathers of girls and boys. How is parenting a boy different from parenting a girl?

A. Parenting boys in the first three stages is just so physical. Parenting boys in these years requires a great deal of physical energy—and a good back. Whereas parenting our daughters is so much more relational and emotional. Both are exhilarating and exhausting, but in different ways.

When I (David) engage my daughter, it’s in sitting in a neighborhood coffee shop talking about her day at school. My boys can sit at the coffee shop long enough to finish a chocolate chip cookie, spill their milk and then we’re kicking a soccer ball across the street at the park.

We talk a lot in the book about boys in motion and how to engage these active, physical beings. Girls need that too, no doubt, but not in the same way boys need it.

We had our families together the other day over at my (Stephen’s) house. At one point all the kids went out in the front yard to play: five boys and two girls in all. There were a number of balls lying around the yard. The boys started playing soccer with one ball and the girls started playing soccer with another. After a few minutes the boys were trying to kick the ball at each other and the girls were off to the side talking to each other. To me that is a great picture of the differences.

Q. What mistakes have parents and educators made in their approach to rearing and training boys?

A. For me (Stephen) the consistent mistake my wife and I make is that we over explain and over verbalize with our sons. This is a problem that is very common. In parenting boys, adults tend to talk to them and at them a great deal. We talk and talk and talk and end up sounding a lot like Charlie Brown’s teacher. “Whah, whah, whah.” In Wild Things we offer a number of different strategies for engaging and educating boys that better match their unique design. Boys learn through experience and physical repetition. They need consistent firm boundaries and loads of encouragement.

As far as school goes we speak a lot in the book that the compulsory model we use for schooling in the United States is generally well-suited to a girl’s learning style. It’s heavy on verbal and written expression, two particular areas of strength for most girls. It involves a good deal of sitting still for extended periods of time with mostly auditory instruction. These methods don’t match a boy’s way of learning or draw on his learning strengths.

Q. How did you come to the conclusions you discuss in Wild Things?

A. The book is a combination of science and research, clinical experience (our own as therapists and that of others), and our own journey of parenting five boys between the two of us.

As therapists, we have sat with thousands of men and boys over the years. Our hope was to bring their voices into the content of Wild Things. We have learned so much from the males we’ve had the great honor of working with and hoped to bring their stories into this text. In addition to those, we are still learning so much from living with five of our wild things.

Q. At what age should parents discuss sex, homosexuality, and pornography with their boys?

A. You may be surprised to hear this answer, but we’d recommend beginning a dialogue around sexuality at the age of two. We aren’t recommending education around homosexuality and pornography at two. That begins typically around age 8-10, possibly earlier or later depending on the boy. But we are strong advocates of a healthy ongoing dialogue with every boy around the design of his body, sexuality, and boundaries in relationships in stage one. We lay out a good portion of this in the book to take some of the guess work out of it for parents, and we recommend some useful resources in further guiding you through this life long discussion. As boys grow older the conversation becomes more specific and more technical. Think of it like painting: it starts with broad brush strokes and then moves to finer detail. But as a rule, it starts way before most parents think it does.


Q. What are the three most important factors in keeping a boy from experimenting with drugs?

A. We continue to see three common factors among young men that we’ve worked with who either abstain from using substances or experiment and then make a decision not to continue. The first would be a strong faith and core values. The second would be a strong family open to dialogue. The third would be strong relationships.

More on this blog soon.
Janey L. DeMeo M.A.

Article on Mexico Mission article & Orphans First

. . . to continue on with Thursday's post, click here to read my now-published article on our recent trip to Mexico and Orphans First work (4 pics included in this one).